A Turning Point.

 Those Photo's

We all have those photos we are ashamed to have seen, and well these are just a few from a recent holiday that are all over Facebook and are horrendous.

I honestly would be happier if no one saw them but we have to face up to the truth that this maybe what I look like in photo's but the reality is I look like this everyday. Minus the nice curly hair.

After this holiday everything started clicking in place and now it's finally sunk in, this problem with my weight had to be sorted out as quickly as possible, because I shouldn't look like this. This isn't who I am, or who I believe I should be.

< Thankfully this photo here wasn't too bad or the one below, it just gives you an idea of how short I am (5 ft 1 inch) and how large I am at size 12 - 14 though I look bigger. 

During the holiday I have myself a break the only downside was, I gave my body too much of a holiday and lavished it with sweet treats and fat filled foods. Which left me feeling horrible and my skin looking horrible, then of course the weight gain that was accompanying the food that I'd eaten.

I began to process the parts of my body that I was least happy with and were becoming my trouble area's, I found my arms and thighs to be my main concern. As I can't wear a dress if I wanted to without tights because my thighs rub together and cause horrible chaffing. Although it all sounds quite funny the whole experience is actually quite horrible.

The Worst. 

After flicking through these photos on Facebook I came across these three which I found to be the worst photo's of me so far, with the extra weight that I have gained. Now just remember I am size 12 - 14, well that's what the label says but from the next three photo's you'd think differently. I know I sure did.

We were having pre-drinks before going to the bar, whilst we were drinking of course we took a few photo's. At the time I felt like I looked okay, of course this was nothing but 'beer goggles' in fact I looked pregnant and that's when the realisation hit me.

Especially when an Aunt of mine said 'Are you pregnant?' I began to feel a rage I haven't felt for a long time. It wasn't with the comment, no. My Aunt will only know what she see's in the photo. It was a rage with myself, I had let myself get like this and for what reason?

I had allowed myself to ruin my body even more than already and replace it with this shell of who I really am. The bottom photo is the worst one you'll see for now, and honestly, this isn't what I want to be, or how I want to look.

I have begun going gym again, although it's been extremely difficult due to College deadline date approaching all too quickly, actually it's this Friday and I'm the group leader so I have to make sure all the work is completed and we have a 20 minute presentation to prepare for which is going to be extremely hard to do.

I have even downloaded a couple apps to hopefully help when going gym, running and my eating habits.

The following apps are:

Running: Nike+ Running

Diet: My Fitness Pal

Exercises: Fitness Buddy

All of these apps can be found on the App Store for iPhones etc.

Let's hope they help me reach my goal.

Wish me luck everyone, comment if you want any advice or just want to ask a question.

It All Starts Here.

We all have our own way of handling our weight and our confidence, when it's come down to both I haven't been handling either of them very well. I have struggled for 5 years with my weight, ever since I had a life-changing year when I was 14.

I fell in love with someone who gave me all the emotional support I needed, then took full advantage of my innocence and before I knew it, he'd left me pregnant and torn apart. The next year was horrendous. I lost friends, and lost every part of myself that was ever important, I struggled and with being a 14 year old girl pregnant I had enough struggles. I turned to abortion, which was a difficult time. It has forever left me emotional unstable especially when it comes to men.

This is when it all changed though, my body gained weight my confidence disappeared and I was lost. I never regained either of these parts of me. Yet the rest of me has developed and improved in a way am I forever thankful, considering the life I've lived.

Now it's time for a change though, I need to force my way through these problems and finally face them head on. It's time to stop letting this damaged 14 year old girl control my life and finally get a hold on myself. I know exactly how I want to be and what I want to be like. I just have to go a step at a time and hope that I have enough strength to get through this alone.

This is why I've started this blog, not only for myself but for the pure fact that I need to keep track of my progress and the emotional battles I'll be facing throughout. I will get quite intimate whilst writing my posts and you will a see a part of me that barely anyone ever see's. 

I only hope you wish me luck and that my honestly will get me through this.

We always need a reminder of why we're losing weight and how badly we need to take a hold of these problems and face them head on and that's exactly what these three photo's are here for. To remind me that this isn't how I want to look and this isn't at all something to be proud of.

It's time to remove this double chin and erase the fat that threatens my body everyday.

STATS FOR TODAY:

Height: 5 ft 1 inch

Weight: 150.1 lbs (10 Stone, 10.1 lbs)

TARGET WEIGHT:

Weight: 105 lbs (7 Stone, 7 lbs)