Nausea And Vomitting.

I have had a couple days of absolute agony and annoyance, one moment I am feeling absolutely fine then the next minute I am plagued with nausea and overwhelming sensation to throw up and a headache border lining on migraine type pain. It has been absolute hell, I have been unable to et properly for days, and what I have managed to stomach has struggled to stay down. After taking an emergency trip down the doctors I made sure to inform the doctor of all of my symptoms and see what he had to say.

I must admit he was anything but helpful, but he did let me know that it might have just been wind, but after the past couple days even I know it's not wind. It's something far more wonderful and adaptable than that, it's stress. It has wreaked absolute havoc on me lately and has continued on for a number of days, but I am hoping that there are not many more days to go.

The doctor even stated I should take a preliminary pregnancy test just to be better safe than sorry, I honestly thought I could have been but thankfully the test came up 'not pregnant' however it still doesn't help the odd feeling of nausea.

I shall keep you guys updates, because I do hope that by the end of the week at least I shall be back at the gym.

See you soon,

I Lost Hope.

Today I thought I would be good and make it to the gym, but after waking up I could feel how much of a weight was on me, not physically but emotionally. I knew today was not the day to start gym, I honestly believe I still need a day or two to repair.

I recently found out that due to me being on anti-depressants you can't take Night Nurse (the medication) which is exactly what I did for two days straight until reading the leaflet, after seeing how the medication affected me I knew to stay far away. Basically, the Night Nurse has a very bad reaction with the anti-depressants I'm on so I definitely don't recommend it to any one. I am in no way saying that everyone will be affected, but I definitely felt off.

I had cold symptoms, was suffering from no appetite, lack of energy, too much sleep, and of course mild nausea and vomiting. And for me that is definitely not an ideal way to start work - throwing up.

So okay, I let myself down in a sense.

But...

This isn't in no way the end. I must know that yes it will take me a while to get back on my feet and that is exactly why I wanted to take one step at a time. This will be tough, and I will struggle but I have to face it head on, both fitness wise and depression wise.

Wish me luck and 

See you soon,

Do I Say I'm Back...?

It's another post where I am honestly thinking, it's time to start again.

Not just at the gym and actually taking it slow and logging everything down but actually re-vamping this awful looking blog. I know I designed it all myself, but there are names and layouts and even just colours that need to leave this blog.

Once and for all.

I have reached a point where I think I need to take baby steps, very small baby steps. I am going to open up much more about how I shall be trying to maintain a gym routine with depression and how difficult I have been finding it. Because if I am completely honest, it has been once of the hardest goals I have ever had to aim for.

I have had depression for a number of years now, and I do honestly wish that I had tackled it by now but both myself and my past friends underestimate how difficult this mental condition is. In no way am I comparing it to any other mental condition, as I know that each one is painfully difficult to overcome in it's own way.

It's just how strong you are, and how you face it. I have been extremely dismissive in my depression assuming I can tackle it all my own without the help of medication or therapy and honestly it has not been the answer. I am on medication Sertraline 100mg a day, actually but my next step in the right direction is to look into therapy anything that will be supportive and help me to develop an insight into my depression. People are always so quick to judge stating 'I hate when people are depressed when they have nothing to be depressed about,' that person in no way knows what you are going through and even with an explanation they shall still never understand.

Your mind is your mind, and only you can figure it out with guidance and support and most importantly love...

Now, I'm drifting slightly off course here. My main point is, I am looking into getting myself into a gym routine, this shall start off with me literally tackling one day at a time. I am looking no further than that one day.

I have found that for the first week of your exercise you should look into doing one hour of walking, for at least 5 days of the week if you can. If I can do even one day of this workout, I shall be immensely proud of myself. It really is all about one step at a time.

But...

There is one more important aspect of my health and fitness that I need to consider before even worrying about Exercise and that is my DIET. Do you know what I had to eat today:

2 X Yoghurts
1 X Grab Bag of Skips
1 X Grab Bag of Walkers Salt and Vinegar
1 X Sausage Roll
1 X Apple
Half a steak, with some runner green beans and some fried onions

For a diet - that is not health in any remote way. I really need to look into providing my body with much cleaner and healthier food which will actually benefit me and help me to improve both inside and out.

I guess I can only log everything I'm doing and keep track, after all every time I log something new it'll be a mental push for me. Knowing that I am actually doing something good, I am actually going in the right direction.

In another happy thought, I can also track my boyfriends development as well. His name is Corey Bates and I shall do an entire post separately for him as he is worth every single word I have to say about him. After all I can't adore or praise him any more than I already do, if I can help him to become a better and healthier version of himself than that is something that I shall aspire to do.

I'll see you all, hopefully after tomorrow of DAY ONE

Goodbye for now,